My days of ordering Chinese takeout are mostly behind me, but I used to love the experience. Negotiating picks from the menu. Saying “Pu Pu platter” out loud. Watching the clock for the food to arrive. The inevitable grease marks on the delivery bag. Unpacking those distinctive white cardboard boxes. But you know what ruined the fun? The takeout food hangover from the soy, the sugar, the rice, the flour, the MSG, and the regret. This version includes the chewy-crisp nuggets of pork; vibrant, fresh vegetables; a nice salty bite from the coconut aminos; and the fresh snap of scallions. The fun is back.


• 1 large head fresh cauliflower
• 2 large eggs
• 2 teaspoons plus 2 tablespoons coconut aminos
• coconut oil, for sautéing
• 1/2 medium onion, diced (about 1/2 cup)
• 1 cup steamed broccoli florets, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (p. 33)
• 6–8 ounces Char Siu, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (p. 91)
• 2-3 scallions, dark green tops only, thinly sliced (about 1/4 cup)
• salt and black pepper, to taste
• 2 teaspoons sesame oil (optional)
• 2 teaspoons sesame seeds, for garnish (optional)

You can use just about any vegetable, but it’s important to get the proportions right. If you add too many supporting vegetables, the ratio of veggies to rice is thrown off. Use about 1 cup of supporting veggies for every 3 cups of cauliflower rice.


1. Break the cauliflower into florets, removing the stems. Place the florets in the food processor bowl and pulse until the cauliflower looks like rice. This takes about 10–15 one-second pulses. You may need to do this in two batches to avoid overcrowding. You should end up with about 3 cups of cauliflower rice.

2. Place the grated cauliflower in a microwave-safe container and zap for 2 minutes. This step preps the cauliflower, so it’s almost tender before the stir-frying process. If you skip this step, you run the risk of the cauliflower turning to mush. You don’t want BBQ Pork Fried Mush. (At least I don’t think you do.)

3. If you’re using the sesame seeds, heat a large sauté pan or wok over medium-high heat. When the pan is hot, toss in the sesame seeds and stir constantly until they’re lightly toasted, about 3–5 minutes. Keep an eye on them! They can quickly change from pale white to dark brown in a blink. When you’re happy with the toastiness, remove them from the pan and save them for later.

4. In a small bowl, use a fork to scramble the eggs with 2 teaspoons of coconut aminos. Heat 1 teaspoon of coconut oil over medium-high heat in the pan, then add the eggs and stir with a wooden spoon until cooked through. Remove them from the pan and save them for later.

5. In the same pan, heat 1 teaspoon coconut oil over medium heat, then sauté the diced onion until it’s tender and translucent, about 5 minutes. Things are going to start happening a little faster now.

6. Add 1 tablespoon of coconut oil to the onions and increase the heat to high for about 90 seconds. When the pan is good and hot, add the cauliflower, scrambled egg, broccoli, and Char Siu. Stir with purpose! Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of coconut aminos over the ingredients in the pan, and continue to stir with enthusiasm until it’s heated through, about 3 minutes.

7. Divide the fried rice onto two plates, then sprinkle each with half the chopped scallions and, if you’re into the flavor of sesame, about 1 teaspoon sesame oil and 1 teaspoon of the toasted sesame seeds. Dig in with the sure knowledge that you are consuming at least two servings of vegetables, plenty of protein, and zero mystery ingredients.